Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need to calm my uterus...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
