I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
