booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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