You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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