and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
