This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
