i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
