Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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