You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
