I'm laying in your front yard are you home
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize