so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You took a bar mat shot.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
