Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
