A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
