pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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