I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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