dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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