You smell like stripper and shame
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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