should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
