just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
