really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Damn victory sex feels great
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
