She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
