dude i'm inner monologue high
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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