i may or may not be watching the land before time
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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