Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just gift wrapped bread.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize