make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
