Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
