tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
