we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
