Sry I called you an 8
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
