Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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