they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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