Me too!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize