You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
