Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just blew my weed a kiss
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
