they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
