i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
