im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
