I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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