I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
