Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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