I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
