They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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