My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
