its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
