I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
