She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
