He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
