Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
