So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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