I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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