So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
