Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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