I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
