Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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