I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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