so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
