my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
