dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
