If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
