If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
