Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
