I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
