i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
