Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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