No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
