Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
