trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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