Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
