K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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