Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
