I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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