Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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