Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
