I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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