Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
