i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
