You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
