Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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