I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize