I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
