Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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