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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
