just survived the first fart of the relationship.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
