Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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