I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
