you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
