we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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