I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
