Yo dont text me then not text me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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