She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize