So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
