im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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