Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
