1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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