you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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