Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
