Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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