There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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