I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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