when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
